Editor's note: News broke at the start of the month that authorities in the southern coastal city of Xiamen raided a house church and detained an estimated nine people. Several members of Xingguang Church were injured in the raid. Observers noted that the authorities amassed a large number of resources to quash a relatively small number of worshippers.
Reporting and social media posts about the event were quickly censored from Chinese online media. However, this piece from “Ruoshui Manhai,” evaded censorship by writing up a biting satirical report of the event.
“Ruoshui Manhai” reporting—Relevant authorities in Xiamen have announced in recent days that they will be providing free travel opportunities to many home churches within their jurisdiction.
At a press conference, Department Director “Nimrod” Huang gave detailed explanations of points of interest to various sectors of society, and answered questions from reporters.
“This travel bonus is very easily available, and can even be enjoyed without stepping out the door,” Director “Nimrod” explains. “Our relevant team members will come directly to your home, and provide customized services at the ratio of ten team members to one client.”
When asked if there were limitations based on denominations, Nimrod Huang expressed full confidence. “Please don’t worry. Whether you are reformed, charismatic, or traditional house churches, as long as you are not following the Party. . . I mean, as long as you are not part of the Three-Self [Patriotic Movement] you have the chance to enjoy this travel opportunity!”
Q: “Where is the destination of travel?”
A: “It’s a surprise! We’re keeping it secret.”
Q: “Are the service members registered?”
A: “All are unregistered volunteers. You won’t even find them in the records. That’s how eager and sincere they are!”
Q: “Will privacy be protected?”
A: “Definitely! We’ll even grab. . . I mean, take care of your cell phones for you, so that you can enjoy a happy journey free from digital devices!”
It has been reported that the “Greece Branch” of the Xiamen “Houston” Church will be the first group to enjoy this free travel. Because their phones had been confiscated, there was little news from them the first couple of hours. “Everyone was very pleased, and one brother was so excited that he fell and broke a bone!” Officer “Punch” from the relevant department explained. “We will continue to increase our efforts, and provide Houston Church and other churches with security in force!”
As of press time, Nimrod Huang promised the reporters that “this opportunity will not be limited to Houston or Xiamen. I promise you all, that all friends who love God and who are loved by God will have the chance to enjoy this opportunity.”
CCD printed with permission.