"I will never become a psychological counselor—I don't want to be someone else's emotional dumping ground." These were the words of a young man in the psychology field five years ago, soon after earning his degree in psychology.
Three years after graduation, however, he re-entered the counseling profession. Over the next four years, he became known fondly by his clients as "Teacher Feifei." His once discouragement became a strong conviction that psychology was indeed the path he was meant to follow.
What changed his heart?
Behind Psychological Struggles Lies a Deep Longing for Love
Teacher Feifei has encountered clients facing a wide range of psychological issues. Yet, regardless of the complexity or nature of their struggles, he always perceives a deeper underlying need—the thirst of human life.
In many of his sessions, he discovered that clients' distress often stems from a search for love within relationships. He distinguishes between vertical relationships, which involve self-exploration, and horizontal ones, which concern interactions with others like parents, partners, children, supervisors, or colleagues. "In the Christian worldview," Teacher Feifei explained, "love originates from a single source, and people are merely conduits of that love. Human love can offer temporary comfort, but it cannot fulfill the longing for eternal love."
As a Christian counselor, he believes, "I cannot directly tell clients that the source of love is Jesus Christ, but I can guide them to become curious about the true nature of love." He noted that many people desire love from parents or relatives. When this need goes unmet, they often fall into emotional turmoil and experience profound pain. "When people place the source of love in their family or friends, they often encounter disappointment and regret," he noted.
He continued, "I try to help them understand that while family and friends are important, they are merely channels of love, not its source. At the same time, each person is unique, and no one else can live their life for them."
Teacher Feifei went on to share, "I've also worked with clients who have experienced deep wounds within their families of origin and are unable to feel any love from their parents. In such cases, I try to guide them to ask themselves: If I can't feel love at home, is it possible to feel it somewhere else? Anyone who can sense even a little bit of love has the potential to become part of a loving family," he said.
He emphasized the importance of encouraging individuals to explore and discover love in their own way. "Everyone will find a different path, shaped by their unique creativity," he added.
However, the journey to find love is often marked by detours, pain, and heartache. "We need to look beyond the pain and recognize the deep longing within each one's heart," Teacher Feifei said. "It's like when Jesus looked at the lepers, he didn't just see sickness; he saw the deep yearning in their hearts. Painful experiences often urge people to begin searching." Meeting these clients, he shared, has also helped him gain a deeper understanding of God's heart.
"Whatever I Can Accomplish Is Rooted in My Faith."
Teacher Feifei admits that he often feels a sense of helplessness when supporting clients through difficult moments. During such times, he will ask, "May I pray for you?" If a strong counseling relationship has been built, clients are usually aware of his Christian faith and are often willing to receive prayer. He sings hymns and prays with them, and many experience a sense of peace and comfort through this spiritual support.
Reflecting on his experience, Teacher Feifei shared, "In fact, two clients gradually became curious about the Christian faith because of the unique way I offered help. On one occasion, I truly didn't know what techniques to apply, so I acknowledged my limitations and offered to pray. Later, the client told me, 'Every time I pray to your God, I feel deeply moved in my heart.' Though he didn't yet understand the faith, he simply wanted to find a solution to his problem."
He continued, "I believe that whatever I can accomplish in my counseling work is rooted in my faith. My relationship with God is personal and unique, and it is this uniqueness that sets me apart. There are many others who are more skilled than I am, but it is this distinct connection that gives me inspiration, strength, and wisdom."
He also acknowledged that his spiritual life has not always been consistent. In his work, he sometimes finds himself feeling either pride over his achievements or discouragement over his shortcomings. Without a solid foundation of faith, he said, his efforts can easily become unstable.
Whenever he prays, Teacher Feifei often finds himself in tears. Yet within those tears, he also finds deep comfort. "I hope I'm not working for people, not for the sake of work itself, and not even for myself," he shared. "Rather, I want to encounter God through my work and pray that He will accomplish His purpose through it."
In his current counseling practice, he hopes to better discern God's will and to offer help to those who are searching for meaning and a way forward. "I hope that in their search," he said, "my understanding of God and what I'm able to offer can become a source of insight and an open door for them."
Originally published by the Christian Times
- Edited by Katherine Guo and translated by Poppy Chan
