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Testimony of Patient With Anxiety Disorder: 'I Saw the Warm Sunshine Again'

Testimony of Patient With Anxiety Disorder: 'I Saw the Warm Sunshine Again'

A picture of flowers in the sun A picture of flowers in the sun(pixabay.com)
ByRebecca Li March 21, 2023
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The peonies are blooming, and they are absolutely beautiful! I was once trapped in the whirlwind of vanity and materialistic greed; I simply did not have the heart to enjoy these...

Early in the morning, I walked into the garden. The peonies were blooming, and I could not resist turning on my phone camera to capture the beauty of the moment, followed by a commentary that I sent to a close friend.

Over a decade ago, I was wrapped up in my desire for material wealth, following the example of those around me who kept grabbing for visible benefits and wealth. At the same time, the tensions in my relationships with people brought about by the competition left me deeply exhausted, both mentally and physically!

At that time, everything in the universe was not unattractive; I simply did not have the heart to experience its beauty.

During a chat with a classmate, I heard about Jesus Christ, the divine and human Saviour, who is said to be able to help people out of all their miseries. I began learning about Him out of curiosity. A year after I became a believer, I was officially baptized.

As I began to grow in my faith, I began to pray in my heart, "Lord, please get me out of my overwhelming work environment!" In the third year after my baptism, God literally rescued me from a work environment that felt like hard labor, just as He had rescued the Israelites from Egypt.

I developed an anxiety disorder because I overstretched my body. Insomnia and shortness of breath prevented me from going to work, and I had to take leave. After praying with me, my lover, who had also embraced the faith, made a decision: to stop trading my health and all my joy for a high salary and overconsumption.

It was only after I resigned from my job that I realized that I was on the verge of a physical and mental breakdown with my white-collar glamor! For the next three to four years, I relied on sleeping pills to sleep.

Especially when I first quit my job, I was very frustrated. I could not accept the fact that I had gone from being a round-the-clock white-collar worker to a person who was less capable. At this point, I had to dive headfirst into the Bible: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God." It was amazing how His words gradually dispelled my confusion and fear and made me feel so at ease and at peace.

At the same time, through the light of the Lord, I saw more and more the sinful nature of greed in me. I had to rely on the Lord's substitutionary atonement in order to be forgiven by God and reconciled with Him. Only His truth can also help me be free from the bondage of material desires and enjoy the freedom of my soul.

Gradually, those people and things that I had resented were wonderfully let go in the Lord's love. I thought that, as the Lord had forgiven my sins, I was also willing to forgive the sins of others. Even many deeply buried hurts in my heart, such as complaints about the lack of parental companionship in my childhood and cynicism between my peers and superiors in my workplace, have all disappeared in the light of the Lord.

However, as I was still too weak to work, I could only be a spectator for a long time, watching many people still rushing forward in the torrent. I know that there is no end to that torrent, and it would not really bring the ultimate satisfaction and pleasure. I hope that they too will turn back.

Thank God! I used to be insecure and seek security in money; after all, money is a form of security. After I met the Lord Jesus, His words released me from this endless worrying. He feeds the birds of the air, and He sees me as much more valuable than a bird, so He will feed me!

My understanding of the meaning of work has also changed. Work is the use of God-given gifts to serve others and, in doing so, to provide for parents, nurture children, and supply my own physical needs. It is no longer a goal, let alone a dominion, but a blessing from God.

It has been nine years since I stopped taking my medication, and those long sleepless nights are almost forgotten. It was the Lord who healed me, and He dispelled the clouds of sorrow in my heart through the Word. Now I am not only able to work again, but I also write poems, take photographs, and share my thoughts with friends outside of work.

"I think I find it pleasing and beautiful, so I will share it with you and ask the Lord to put the praise and peace that are in my heart into yours as well; may His grace be full in you and you be able to trust in the Lord Jesus and enjoy great blessings together." I sent this message to a close friend.

"Thank you! Work hard together! Live your life the way you want with God's guidance and help," she replied.


- Translated by Nonye Nancy

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