During a gathering of the couple fellowship, my wife and I were asked to share about “Experiencing Grace in Marriage.” We shared our struggles and grace in seeking fertility from God in the recent two years, as I noticed one-third of the couples present were in the same boat as us.
After many prayers for pregnancy to no avail, one time, a sister called my wife, crying out that she had just been diagnosed with ectopic pregnancy. This couple didn’t want a second child, as their firstborn was just delivered eight months ago. My heart was filled with discontent just at the thought of it. I even complained to God, "Why do others who don't want children get them, while we desire a child so much, and yet you seem so'stingy'?"
After complaining to God out of my eagerness to have a baby, I noticed that the child had become an idol, even exceeding God in my heart. While God became the one in my prayers to help me achieve my goals, we began to repent.
At a medical appointment, the doctor told us, “Even the most skilled doctors can only guarantee a 30% chance of pregnancy, while the rest is far beyond human control.” In the doctor’s words, we realized that pregnancy reveals God's sovereignty more than anything else.
We believed that God was preparing us for His grace in this temporary barrenness. Wherever He allows us to be restricted, He also allows us to be truly free!
When we first got married, my wife and I were discussing a year of “just two of us" before having our first child in the second year. However, things didn’t go as we planned. We still believe God is leading us by His perfect plan, as He hasn’t sent us the gift of a child for the time being.
This bitterness of barrenness allowed us to taste a bit of Christ’s sufferings, which makes us more eager for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Our hope is placed in heaven, where the infertile will enjoy eternal joy. Up there, we all become children in His palm because God once lost His son in pain for us.
- Translated by Poppy Chan
