Editor’s Note: The author, pen name: Toward-the-light, is a regular contributor to GospelTimes, who started her theological study in the Westminster Seminary this September. She’ll write her experience of study, life and faith in the US.
The first quarter in the seminary: Grace and Suffering
I was evangelized in the summer of 2008, with a shallow understanding that Jesus would make my life better. In fact, Jesus turns to be my Lord the moment I accept Him as my Savior. My life’s path is no longer my way, but His plan.
Came to the US in August 2016, officially registered in this famous seminary in the early September, I have just finished the first quarter. Even though, I cannot believe what has happened to me. What I have done to my Lord is so less, yet Lord has shown his great grace to me.
So far away from my motherland China, I’m thinking about my past three months in the US. Those learning tasks I have just finished are far beyond my reach. If asked, I would say that the most important I’ve learned is not theological knowledge, but the following two lessons: admitting my imperfection, and, trusting God completely.
I had heard about the heavy tasks in seminary when get settled. There were many sayings about the intense study. At first, I wasn’t scared by those “abusing” sayings, knowing that we Chinese students have been thoroughly tempered after years of Examination Education. Unexpectedly, I could hardly make it for my first week. Never been living abroad, I feel struggled to understand the class, let alone taking notes. Besides, the readings were too many to be finished, even for the English-speaker, as well as the homework.
Everyday I worked conscientiously. Every day was scheduled to finish those tasks. Even though, I could hardly finish them, getting myself into a panic.
It was when the term “all-around development” came into my mind. In the past years, what I have learned is to “development in an all-around way,” morally, intellectually, physically, and aesthetically. Can a man really develop in an all-around way? What the Bible says that there is none perfect except the Heavenly Father. I want to be perfect, but God revealed me the grace to admitting my imperfection. There was too much work to finish. What God wants from me is not perfect performance in academia, but my heart.
Realizing this, something changed from the second month. I gave up my study plan, and just follow God’s inspiration. Only then I find that ‘denying myself’ is so difficult. In my heart, it really takes a fight to make room for the Lord.
With mindset changing, I worried less in the second month, even there was still a heavy study schedule. What I should do is just to accomplish the mission of studying.
And when it came to the final, I just find that the final grade is not that bad. I have tried my best to submit all the homework and passed all the exams. With God’s help, I went through the first quarter. I experienced grace in those studying nights, those praying mornings, those language-struggling classes and those cursory breaks. I have never been studying like this, exhausted yet peace and joyful.
Knowledge about God is important in the theological seminary, while knowing Him is more important. Still, many courses are confusing to me, my mind is renewed and my life changed, which are the most valuable.
To be continued.
Translated By: Alice Wang
