58-y-o Sister Zhai Sue began her journey of faith eight years ago. She testifies that God guides her through his Word, changing a woman who feels headaches while reading the Bible into a newborn believer who must read ten chapters before turning in.
Zhai lived in her rural hometown. However, at the age of 50, she felt something was lost. "I couldn't find the right way in the world and felt disappointed every day. I didn't know what could I do for the rest of my life." She says.
At that time her son who was working in Beijing called her and hoped she could take care of her grandson for some days. She agreed and headed to Beijing the next day.
Arriving at Beijing, she found out that her son had converted to Christianity. But she didn't understand what the belief was and never asked questions about it for this was her son's own business in her eyes. But she found her son was quite different from before. When he was young, he was a shy boy, always blushing just to say something to her, but now he would chat with her initiatively after work, sharing the Bible with her, and talking about the topics such as "humans need belief."
However, she was not interested in the Bible at all. When she opened the Bible, the words on it were like ants filling the whole page, making her dizzy and caused her headaches. She couldn't read a single line. Her son encouraged her to go to church to worship and join in the senior fellowship. Considering that she couldn't speak Mandarin or communicate with others well, she was not able to go.
Then her son came up with another good idea. He bought a Bible suitable for the elderly to read and asked her to read two chapters to her grandson. Upon her son's request, she forced herself to read two verses. "I felt a headache coming after reading just the first verse." She threw the Bible away.
A few days later, her son communicated with her about it and told her: "It doesn't matter if you can't understand. But Jesus said, 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' So give your burden to Jesus through prayer!" Immediately her son guided her to make a short prayer and taught her how to pour out her heart to the Lord.
Her son never thought that the verse he cited would be such a great influence on her. Although she didn't like reading the Bible, she remembered that verse and mediated on it again and again. She thought it was true. She believed her son wouldn't choose the wrong road. So she wanted to know who this God was that her son believed in.
The first time she went to the church, the pastor spoke in the sermon: "'Everything is permissible'-but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible'-but not everything is constructive. "She remembered the verse. Recalling the past 50 years, she felt that not everything was beneficial. She felt a lack of something, an emptiness, once she stopped her farm work. Then she studied the Bible in church every day and her faith was growing inside her.
However, the joy of believing lasted only some months. She was struck with anxiety and sorrow again. As time went by, it was so hard for her to believe in Jesus. Thinking of casting her burdens on the Lord makes it seem easy, but it was so painful to carry her own cross.
When she was hesitating to continue her faith journey, her heart spoke to her: "How long shall you end the hesitation?" She struggled for half a year. One day the pastor played a sermon recording for her, she heard what Mary said: "My soul glorified the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior." She heard God's word to her.
"I know God gives me the best, otherwise he won't give that verse to me. I wanted to escape the problems from before. But I have found my direction from the verse: My heart shall live for my Savior and I shall continue even if it's hard for me," she says.
From then on, she picked up the Bible kept on reading it. Now she reads ten chapters before sleeping, otherwise she can't sleep well.
Deeper into her belief, Zhai began to check her sins through God's Word. She thought the reason why she was in poor health was the consequences of her sins. She never paid attention to diets and rest when she was young with good health. As time passed, she was afflicted with some sicknesses, the most serious one being migraines. She believed it was her sin of pride that made her body suffer from these sicknesses.
To heal her migraine, she went to hospitals. A doctor told her that migraine was a disease that was hardly cured. She felt despair.
After becoming a Christian, Zhai meditated on God's Word and asked God to forgive her sins and cure her migraine.
One day, she was invited to attend a church wedding, she got the verses from the verse cards, "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."(Psalm 1:2-3) Inspired by the verses, Zhai held onto them to live her life and continued to pray daily. After her prayer time one day, her migraine was gone. She had experienced God's healing.
Now Zhai prays every day and holds God's Word to live. She firmly believes all her life is in the guidance of God and nobody except God can give her peace and joy. She also preached the gospel to her family and now, her family are all Christians. "I thank God for His calling and guidance toward me, I can be changed and clean through God's grace and word not myself," she declares.
She says she wants to preach the gospel for the rest of her life and be real testimony to let people know more about God.