A Christian woman shares her change in recent years in a letter to her friend who is about to hold a wedding. Below is an excerpt of the letter, telling hern friend how she has walked out of postpartum depression and experienced God's forgiveness.
"As you know, I took a brother who is enthusiastic in evangelism to society from the church and my marriage finally has found narrow room between holiness and secularism. Once, I stuck to the doctrine that believers cannot be yoked together with unbelievers; meanwhile, walking into the marriage with a grateful and fearless heart. However, I suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of my daughter Xixi. I don't blame anyone or my frailty for there is something which everyone loses control over himself or herself. On the contrary, I feel grateful for that postpartum depression fell on me after recovering from it because there is a kind of 'fall' that brings us closer to God.
Owing to selfless humanity, we will love, tolerate and forgive only when we feel in debt, thus we are released.
My deepest awakening from the illness is to walk out the fetters of religions and into the essence of faith. Jesus said, "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." Thus, there comes my new perspective on marriage. What's more, I started to rethink the identity of a woman, a mother, a wife and a daughter.
I don't want to be bound by religious taboos, denied by the doctrines or controlled by religious spirits again because Jesus Christ, who came to the world for us, didn't mean to subvert us to pain.
My depression stemmed from sexism. I got tremendous power when knowing that Jesus was the first person who liberated women and children. Religions and the worldly male chauvinism sowed dissension in our relationship with God. The moment that I suddenly realized that the man who honors and loves the female the most is Jesus Christ, my reason returned similar to the return of the lost son.
Jesus never hated a prostitute or a merchant during his time on the earth but hated those religious leaders (the priests and Pharisees) the most because religions drive a wedge between humans and God. This has been the most important experience in my married life. I went through guilt and hurt, pains and desperate helplessness, and even revenge and had the extreme urge to destroy. But these were quenched in God's mercy for me, so I had mercy on myself and everything.
I received salvation and strength in His mercy. Fearlessly, I owned debts to God and let the devil own me in order to understand what form of God's forgiveness and love were shown in my life. Then, once I understood these instances, I could accept the real world with sufficient power and what I suffer and would face as a woman.
I am always convinced that the Bible is the revelation from God for all human beings. I hold that we can no longer read it in letters to God, who gives the Bible but reading it grants us the truest experienced life and the human history that requires the deepest reflection.
Let's not live as religious believers, especially in a busy and jumbled world. We should live as creators and the beloved. I'm not depressed anymore because God gave me dignity, value, and recognition while creating me. I'm not depressed because God who creates me also cares and never wants me to belittle or torment myself."
