It was in this lowest season of his life that a real turning point began to emerge.
Illness, Collapse, and the Weight of Faith
"Persistent coughing and fever, palpitations even after medication—the fear of approaching death left me completely broken," he recalled.
Although medical tests indicated only weakened immunity, the prolonged physical discomfort and psychological anxiety pushed him to the edge, even to thoughts of ending his life. He continued attending church, but he knew that his faith had not yet truly reached the core of his being. "I had not really touched the heart of my spiritual life," he said.
After graduating from college, Qingshui moved between several seemingly different but equally mechanical jobs—manufacturing, bread baking, and electrical engineering. None filled the inner emptiness. Watching colleagues talk about mortgages and parenting, he felt he could foresee decades of a stable yet suffocating life ahead. Eventually, this deep sense of void drove him into the inner room of prayer.
Though he had been theologically trained and maintained regular spiritual disciplines, Qingshui still felt hollow inside. Prayer became routine reports; Bible reading felt like ticking off tasks. Outwardly, he spoke of peace and joy, while inwardly, he was steeped in anxiety.
One night, he poured out his struggle fully to God: "Lord, You say there is satisfaction, but my heart is never at rest. I have no joy, no peace, only anxiety. Who am I? Where is my value? Do my actions really matter?"
In that prayer, a clear reminder surfaced in his heart: "Read the Gospels carefully." He put aside his theological frameworks and simply read the Gospels with focus. When he read, "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth," a question arose: "Why have I never really 'seen' you? Why have I never experienced this presence full of grace and truth?"
As he reflected on how Jesus treated people—washing the disciples' feet, not condemning the woman caught in adultery, reaching out to the marginalized—he realized for the first time that the Gospel is not abstract teaching but concrete, near, and real action.
"If he treats them this way… then he will surely treat me the same way," he said.
From Being Healed to Being a Companion
As his heart found rest, Qingshui became aware of his calling. While reading the book God's Will, he came to realize his calling: to walk alongside those struggling with depression and anxiety.
During a period of illness resurgence amid the COVID-19 pandemic, he began integrating psychological methods with prayer and Scripture, learning to understand emotional mechanisms while reaffirming his own acceptance and worth in God.
"When I used these faith-integrated methods to lift myself from the shadows, I truly felt the truth of the verse: 'who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.'"
This journey from brokenness to integration shaped his counseling approach—he is both a professional counselor and a fellow traveler who has walked through the valleys of the soul.
Psychology and Faith: Tools and Foundations
In practice, Qingshui emphasizes the distinction between psychology and the Christian faith. Psychology helps people understand emotions and behaviors, but it cannot answer ultimate questions.
"Psychology can explain how emotions arise, but it cannot answer why humans need love," he said.
He recounted a case of a Christian woman trapped in guilt. When he asked, "What do you think Jesus' eyes looked like when he looked at that woman?" she paused, then cried, "They were full of grace, without condemnation." Psychology helped her recognize her impulses as trauma responses, but faith gave her the courage to start anew.
A story like this acts as a microscope, revealing how faith works within individual brokenness. On a broader scale, Qingshui sees a more universal spiritual struggle: the expectation of perfection is a core source of modern psychological pressure.
"One key task of a counselor is to help clients let go of inner expectations of perfection and gain a broader understanding of human complexity," he said. Many clients idealize the world, others, or themselves. When reality falls short, whether in relationships or personal failings, psychological defenses collapse.
This tension is especially pronounced among Christians. Some mistakenly believe that because Christ has cleansed their sins, they must no longer sin, or that the church community should be filled with perfect believers. When weakness or conflict is revealed, faith understanding clashes sharply with lived reality.
"This conflict can be devastating," Qingshui said. "Instead of finding release in the Gospel, they are bound by layers of guilt, shame, and anger." In his view, neither psychology nor faith aims to create a "perfect life" but to equip people to face reality while still holding onto hope.
Faith Within Professional Ethics
Qingshui also observed a growing phenomenon in counseling: due to the nature of the profession, some counselors ultimately turn toward faith or philosophy for guidance.
As "listeners of human nature," counselors constantly encounter human brokenness, darkness, and suffering. Over time, conventional psychological theories often feel inadequate in addressing ultimate evil or existential meaning. This, combined with emotional exhaustion, can lead counselors into personal crises of meaning.
Yet when counselors draw support from personal faith, they must navigate strict professional ethics—maintaining neutrality and never imposing their beliefs on clients.
For Qingshui, this tension is concrete.
"My biggest struggle is facing clients who ask, 'Why?' amid suffering," he admitted. "I know the answer is in Christ, yet I must honor ethical boundaries that prevent directing their faith."
He resolved to be a witness rather than a persuader, sharing personal faith when asked but always respecting the client's autonomy. He also maintains strict discipline in boundaries, fees, and professional supervision—letting faith color his life without dominating his counseling.
Bearing Witness in a Time of Psychological Hunger
Qingshui believes that the rise of mental health challenges today is closely tied to fractured relationships. Negative emotions are not signs of failed faith—they are signals that need to be heard.
For Qingshui, psychology illuminates human patterns, while faith gives these patterns hope and meaning. Ultimately, the most important factor is not technique but the counselor's own spiritual and emotional state.
"Every session is a shared pilgrimage—counselor and client walking together through the valleys of the soul, seeking the light that is already present," he said.
("Qingshui" is a pseudonym for safety reasons.)
Originally published by the Christian Times
- Edited by Poppy Chan
