Nowadays, it is very common to find Christian singles remaining single for a long time and when they are asked, they would say that there are a lot of reasons why they remain as such.
In the recent podcast of NewSpring Church Pastor Perry Noble entitled '8 Reasons Why You Can't Get a Date or Get Married', the pastor presented an eight-point list on how these singles can have an active dating life and what holds them back in locating a good relationship.
1. It's not the right time to get a relationship.
Noble tells the viewers that God does things in order and as believers, one must do things in order as well. He cited Proverbs 24:27 which states "Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house." Noble said that. "God said there is a certain order in the processes. We've got to make sure our life is in order. One of the worst things you can do as a single person is spend so much time evaluating other people and not actually evaluating yourself, and getting other people involved in that process."
2. You prefer getting married more than walking with Christ.
Many people tend to focus more on getting married rather than considering their journey with Jesus Christ. Noble said that with this thinking, one is actually committing idolatry. According to him, having this thinking will just cause disappointment since "when you desire someone else more than you desire God, that someone else is going to let you down time, after time, and after time."
His advice is "Run hard after Jesus and look to your right and to your left. And if the person that you are wanting to pursue or is pursuing you is right beside you in that run, then they're probably the one."
3. Bitterness
Some people tend to have bitter feelings about someone close to them and keeping it close to your heart is actually bad as it could cause negative impacts to your relationships.
Noble said "One of the worst things that a person can do is carry bitterness from a past relationship into a current relationship... That's why you've got to deal with it. You've got to ask God for brokenness rather than bitterness, so the bitterness in your life can be healed... If you're bitter one of those worst things would be to get married. We're supposed to be better together, not bitter together."
4. Feelings of impurity stop people
Many people often think that they are impure because they have illicit vices such as one's addiction to porn. The pastor said that one should be strong and face the problem head on by asking a friend or a pastor to get assistance. He also added that if one seeks the help of another, it will help ease the struggle and stop that sin from taking root.
5. You tend to try too hard
Men and women tend to overthink what is before them, causing them to lose focus and forget why they are doing something in the first place. For men, the pastor said that they should be able to discern the difference between pursuing a woman and stalking a woman because it would leave a negative impression on women if they tend to look like they are stalking them or act aggressively. According to the pastor, this is the type of guy who asks all the women he meets out and causes them to run away.
Women also are reminded by the pastor to not throw themselves to men. If one finds themselves having that very thinking, they should understand that it is not the man for them. He also cited Proverbs 18:22 which said "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."
6. Finding identity in who you date rather than looking at your identity while with a relationship with Jesus
One often struggles with their identity and even the pastor said that he found this stage difficult since he did not know who he was. "For years, and years, and years when I was single, eons ago, I found my identity in whether or not I was dating someone. So if I was dating someone, or if I had a date, I felt good about myself. If I did not have a date or I did not have a girl that was interested in me, I did not feel good about myself."
People should find their identity in Jesus because they will not be disappointed in what they can discover. This would also help them discover who they are.
7. Compromising something just to date someone
The pastor is against the idea of "missionary dating" which causes believers to date those from other faiths in trying to bring them to Christ while also getting a relationship in the process. He said "It's mostly girls that'll compromise quicker than guys. They keep compromising because they feel like they have to. If you feel like you have to compromise before the relationship, after the relationship begins there will be nothing but compromise, after compromise, after compromise."
8. Not being responsible with financial liability
For men, they tend to shy away from relationships because of financial obligations. The pastor said "If you want to find a wife, one of the best things you can do today is ... do whatever it takes to get out of debt, I'm telling you money problems and marriage problems hold hands. They're like first cousins. If you really want to set yourself up for success, do whatever it takes."
