62-year-old Pastor Fan has been a Christian for 27 years. She was born and grew up in the China's Central Plains. She has served in the church of her hometown for about 18 years. Many brothers and sisters have witnessed her persistent and loyal service.
Pastor Fan said that her life was full of ups and downs. Luckily, God has always accompanied her during every period of her life. She used the words of Job to summarize her relationship with Go
d: "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.(Job 42.5)"
The Testimony of Pastor Fan is as follows:
Why did I start to believe in God?
My mother was one of the first batch of female government officials in China. The relationship of my parents was not harmonious due to her strong personality. My mother often got exhausted due to busy work and family affairs. Now she has retired, yet her health is not good. She practiced Qigong ( a kind of Chinese Kung Fu which claims to make people's body stronger) and worshiped a false god. However, nothing could cure her disease.
One day, my mother heard the neighbors sing hymns. Although she didn't know who "Jesus" was at that time, she felt very comfortable when she heard the hymns. She asked to join the choir and started her life of Christian faith.
My mother first preached the Gospel to my brother, who just graduated from university at that time. He quickly accepted it. Then, my mother evangelized me. I was shy and timid. I held a negative attitude towards my life. These psychological illnesses not only hindered my growth; but, also influenced my marriage and family life.
At that time, I didn't have any deep feelings about faith. I didn't feel it necessary to go to church. Half a year later, my mother visited me one day, who seldom came to my home. After lunch, I saw my mother take a short rest on the sofa of the living room. She suddenly woke up and told me that someone tapped on her shoulder and asked her to leave. She said there were evil spirits in my house. I was astonished and scared.
For so many years, I didn't sleep well. I couldn't move my body even I felt awake. I always relied on sleeping pills to fall asleep. In the daytime, I often felt dizzy. I thought that maybe the evil spirits disturbed me.
I went to the church. Somehow, I felt peaceful sitting there and I started to cry. I felt like the pastor's sermon was the story of my life. I didn't know the pastor; but, every word of his sermon moved me. When I was sitting in the church, my worries in the secular world just disappeared.
Then, I began to go to the church regularly and was baptized a year later. I confessed my sins when I was baptized. The Holy Spirit nourished me and my heart was opened. That day, I really felt the existence of God!
After baptism, I joined the choir of the church. I work in the secular world and serve in the church at the same time. I wasn't intending to be a full-time servant until 1998. During that year, an accident happened in my family and my attitude towards life was totally changed.
My brother suddenly passed away and I began to take full-time service
My brother was 36 years old at that time. He was a news host to our local TV station. He was young and promising. At that time, he was influential in our neighborhood. The church used to be full of the elderly. Many young people entered the church just because my brother served there.
My brother participated in a wide range of services, including the subsequent "reception of foreign church staff." In 1998, pastors from Hong Kong and Shenzhen visited the church of my hometown and trained the pastors. My brother took them around the city on the last day of their trip.
On that day, it rained cats and dogs in my hometown. I felt uneasy and was worried about my brother. On the way I sent my son to travel to the airport, there were several incidents. Maybe the incidents were just the harbinger of the tragedy afterwards.
When I was back from the airport, the local TV station called me. They said that the heavy rain made the surface of the road collapse and my brother fell down from the top of the mountain. The death of my brother made the family distraught. We couldn't accept the truth for quite a long time. I didn't understand why God allowed this, nor do I knew His intention?
The tragedy brought about great pains to us. A brother took the last picture of my brother. Seen photos, we were surprised that my brother lying in the crystal coffin looked like Jesus from every angle. Those inexplicable pictures persuaded us to believe that God allowed this and take my brother to heaven. We were comforted.
After my brother passed away, an earthquake hit my hometown. I found that human life is so fragile. Nothing in the world is as important as life. I want to do something to make this fragile and short life meaningful.
I decided to leave the institution with superior conditions and take on the road of full-time service.
The chaos inside the church prompted me to serve in the family church
However, the road of service is not smooth. At first, I started to serve in the Three-Self Church and discovered there were many problems inside the church. The church used to be able to maintain stable development with my brother's coordination, however, not after.
Gradually, the church deviated from the truth and the hearts of believers began to scatter. The finance of the church is also disorganized. It was discovered that some church staff appropriated 200,000 yuan (about $ 29,068) for personal use. As a result, the believers no longer give donations to the church. Afterwards, the church got more and more chaotic. Seeing the chaos, aA devout old pastor in the church left. He went back to the church in his hometown, Shenzhen. Many brothers and sisters of the church also persuaded me to leave. At that time, I was hesitating to serve the underground church (or house church) since they are "underground."
In 2003, SARS swept across China. The church was in such chaos that nobody could feel the existence of the Holy Spirit. We couldn't even have church meetings normally. I began to consider seriously of leaving the church.
At that time, more than a thousand people left the church. We had nowhere to go and just gathered in the family in batches. Later on, we rented a hall for formal worship and praise. This practice still continues until today.
Breast cancer made me realize the limitations of life and trust in God more
I have been officially serving in the church since 1998. God led my life to become mature along all the way. I'm not good at serving. In fact, God has served me for so many years and led my growth.
In 2011, I attended a three-day training program of disciples in Hong Kong and was nourished by the Holy Spirit. On the last day of the "calling" link, I knelt down at the front of the table and confessed to God:"I am willing to serve you. However, there were still obstacles. I made up my mind to sacrifice my body and soul for you, Please take away the disease."
On that day, the Holy Spirit went down. My body and mind were greatly relieved. I went to the hospital for a physical examination. There, I was told that I had an advanced stage breast cancer, and I must be treated as soon as possible. I didn't fall asleep for the first two nights. I asked God: "I want to sacrifice for you and I have the ability. Why did you make me catch the disease?
I used to see a piece of scripture when I pray: "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.(Isa 43.2)" The scripture gave me great confidence and encouragement to fight against the disease.
Suffering from illness, I deeply felt the weakness and incompetence of human beings. I could only cling to God. I entrust Him. I pray to Him. I always look up to Him. I prayed loudly even When I was doing a physical examination in the hospital. This is only what I can do.
A year later, I went to the hospital for physical examination. It turned out that there was no problem with my breast. I know this is the healing from God.
I had heard of you and now, my eys have seen you.
A sister in my church was outgoing while I was timid. So, we often have disputes when working together. No matter how sad I was, I will return to God's arm after struggling. When it is too difficult for me to digest the sorrows, I will do fasting, praying and tell God about my weakness. I will get God's comfort in return.
Over the past two decades, I have experienced birth, aging, disease and death. However, even if there was pain and hurt, I still thank God for His grace. He refined me through all the people and things I have met. I'm getting closer and closer to Him. Like Job's words: "My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you (Job 42: 5)".
Everything I have experienced is the wonderful work of God.
Translated by Emma Ma
