Henri Nouwen said, “Nobody escapes being wounded. The main question is not ‘How can we hide our wounds?’ but ‘How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’ As followers of Jesus, we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.”
Today, single-parent families can be said to be common in China's society; this particular group is also common in churches today. More thoughtful ministry and care should be offered to these parents so that they can become “wounded healers” themselves.
Sister Rui Rui (pseudonym) was originally an atheist. She began to go to church through the influence of her school friends; although she did not understand what was said in the sermons, she insisted on going. After some time, she decided to accept Christ, and she has been a Christian for 24 years.
Rui Rui began attending church because of her husband’s repeated affairs and debts. Although she struggled in her marriage, she tried her best to be a good wife while continuing to serve the church. However, after ten years of walk with Christ, she had no choice but to get a divorce. Nevertheless, Rui Rui continued to serve actively in the church and attend Bible classes.
She said, “At that time, my ex-husband was in debt while having an affair, and my son and I often had to hide from debt collectors. The emotional and financial pressure were too much for me. But even after the divorce, life as a single mother wasn’t easy for me for many years. My ex-husband and I separated when my son was three years old, but he never paid me child support after the separation.
“I finally paid off all of my ex-husband’s debts a few years ago, but my son started having some problems when he reached puberty. He was diagnosed with depression by the hospital and had to stay home from school for two years.”
In Rui’s observation, churches may offer support and guidance to families that are not divorced, but not to single-parent families like hers.
“When I was trying to figure out how to be a single mother, it was like being in the wilderness myself. So, when I saw that many members in the church were also experiencing problems with debt, marriage, and raising their children, I wanted to care for and minister to this group of people with special needs because I had experienced these problems before them,” she said.
At the time, Rui Rui was already on the staff of the church. But even she could not get professional counseling from the church for her plight. Therefore, she felt the need to find resources, study hard, and equip herself; she had taken many courses, such as courses on emotional management, psychology, and youth counseling. She continues to use these resources to help those in need in the church.
In addition, Rui Rui pointed out, “Apart from single-parent families due to divorce or death of a spouse, there is also a kind of hidden single-parent families—in name, these families have two parents, but in practice they are raised by only one parent. Actually, these families need much more professional help and experienced counseling services.”
Therefore, she suggested that, first, there should be a fellowship for this group where they can communicate face-to-face. Second, there needs to be someone who has a vision and a burden for this group. This person should also be willing to share his or her ideals with the pastor as they work together.
Finally, in addition to theological training, the person involved in this ministry needs a background in psychology and counseling.
"My child grew up with numerous unresolved issues due to his father's absence, struggling with the disbelief that his father left when he was young. During the two years my child was out of school, the Lord taught me valuable lessons. I learned how to communicate with him, spend more time together, and offer encouragement. After being held back for two years, he resumed his senior year last year. Throughout the past two semesters, he has enjoyed a normal school life, maintaining top grades, and fostering positive relationships with his teachers and classmates," Rui Rui concluded.
In addition to the basic duty of preaching the gospel, churches should also make substantial efforts to care for orphans, widows, and single-parent families so that the Christian community can become the comfort and blessing of society.
- Translated by Joyce Leung
