How to Win Over an Non-Christian Husband?

Marriage (photo: Pixabay)
By Si XiangMay 27th, 2022

After believing in God, a female Christian experienced His help and changed greatly, for which she was passionate about serving and preaching the gospel. Once she complained to an elder male believer in the church that her husband did not want to become a Christian. The elder asked her how she tried to lead her husband to the Lord.

She said, "I ask him to turn to Jesus loud and clear every day. I tell him to read books about the gospel every day. And I invite him to the gathering every week. However, he only came once or twice before refusing to come again or come to faith, which almost ticked me off."

We can see a common phenomenon in the church in China, that is, there are many female believers and few male ones. One of the problems revealed by this phenomenon is that many married female believers have unbelieving husbands, which has two causes. One is that some female Christians marry unbelievers since they can’t find suitable partners in the church. The other is that some only come to faith after they get married. Regardless, they all face the same problem and need: how to lead their husbands to Christ. Some female believers feel that there is no way to start, and some have exactly the opposite effect. I would like to provide some suggestions here to help these Christian sisters.

Christian sisters should have a heart of reverence and a precious testimony. Many of them ask for prayers for their husbands to be converted to Christianity. However, the husbands still don’t believe in God or attend church services. Some say, "It is difficult for men to believe in God. They don’t easily change." Please refer to 1 Peter 3:1-5 for related teachings.

This passage mentioned unbelieving husbands who didn’t participate in gatherings or listen to the gospels. How then can he change? It is through your testimony in life. He may be influenced and won without a word by your conduct. Influencing a husband is to make him change after feeling touched but not threatened, which is a change from within.

How can a husband be won over? Your pure conduct is the loyalty to him from your heart. Be in awe. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, which enlightens you on how to behave. Fear God, shun evil, understand what purity is, and keep yourself pure. Reverence also includes respect for others. Respect for your husband will make him love you and please you so that you can win him over. Pay attention to your character and self-cultivation. Adorn yourself with a long-lasting gentle and quiet heart which is a sign of a beautiful woman. Someone said: "I have changed and become gentle for these three days!" Remember, it is supposed to be a long-term mission! How long? A lifetime. Continue to demonstrate your virtues, so in the end, you will be the winner. One of the changes you can bring about is the change in your husband.

After having a reverent heart, there will be beautiful testimonies coming along.

Testimony 1: A wife enthusiastically invited preachers to share the gospel with her husband. Two church workers in charge of evangelism came to her home and were warmly received by her husband. They thought it seemed that the husband was very accommodating, even more thoughtful than a Christian. Why was he not a Christian? Afterward, they chatted with him and tried to preach the gospel to him. The husband said that he found that there was no difference between believers and unbelievers. After he came back from work, he would chat with friends, socialize, and played a few rounds of mahjong. Nonetheless, my Christian wife did exactly the same, which was no different from me.

After his wife heard this, she repented before God. She said to her husband, "Please watch closely how I behave from now on." Two months later, the husband attended church meetings with his wife. He said, "She has really changed. She is not the same as before. She comes home immediately after getting off work. Then she does laundry, cooks, and takes care of the children. Before, I used to do all these, while my wife would stay out of home and play two rounds of mahjong after getting off work. When she returned home, I would have already prepared the meal. Now, she has completely changed!" Because of this change of the wife, she won her husband.

The second testimony was as follows: On the eighth day of the Chinese New Year, it snowed heavily. A wife invited her unbelieving husband to couples' meeting at the church. The husband was not willing to go, but the wife was very enthusiastic and got up early in the morning. After the husband got up, she fetched clothes for him and helped him put them on. When she saw that his shoes were not clean enough, she immediately wiped them clean for him before he wore them. Because of the wife's diligence, the husband was in such a good mood that he was willing to come to the meeting. As a result, at that meeting, the husband repented and decided to believe in Jesus.

Today, Christian sisters, do you know what your husbands need? You should satisfy his needs, please him, let go of your ego, release previous condemnation and contempt towards him, avoid eagerness for quick results, and don't be impatient with him or put pressure on him by trying to choke, tempt or threaten him. Wait for that day —t he day of God. With prayers and beautiful testimonies, I believe that one day your husband will be moved by the Holy Spirit and convert.

So, let's go back and answer the question raised by the previous female believer. We can say to her as follows:

1. Tell her to stop “forcing” her husband to convert. Because doing so might disgust him and lead to opposite results.

2. Tell her not to despise her husband because he is unwilling to believe in the Lord, but to continue to love and obey her husband (see Ephesians 5:22-24), because only in this way can he see the benefits of turning to Jesus and be influenced.

3. Encourage her to pay attention to her character and self-cultivation so that she can influence her husband with long-lasting tenderness and quietness, and lead him to Jesus.

(This article is written by a guest/freelance writer who is a pastor based in Guangdong and originally published by the Gospel Times.)

- Translated by Shuya Wang

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