"You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain." (Song of Songs 4:12)
God favors premarital chastity and people who wait for true love. However, general people have love experiences before marriage in modern society. There are some believers with a virgin complex and do not know how to accept their non-virgin partners and their past.
Zhang Jiale, who pastors a church in Changsha, Hunan, shares his view in an article published in the WeChat account "Grace 365". The author first points out that we oppose premarital sex and fornication. Christians who commit sexual sins should confess their sins, repent for them and give thanks to God's forgiveness. Second, we can't judge a virgin complex to be completely right or wrong. Christian who have the complex tend to suffer and their spouses should tolerate their struggles. Nevertheless, Christian couples should search deeper within themselves the reason for their happy marriage.
Some believe that one who has no sex before marriage is pure. On the contrary, the person is unclean. However, this is not absolutely true. Zhang claims, "It doesn't indicate that those who fell into sexual sin will be not holy and people who don't commit sexual sin will not stumble. It may be the matter of time and condition for people who are holy in body with dirty souls to sin sexually. "
Christians who were not holy in the body will be clean and can live a holy life if they repent. A good example of this fact is Rehab and Ruth in the genealogy of Jesus. The former was a prostitute and the latter remarried. Despite their seemingly bad past life, they became "blessed women" for fearing God.
Second, he holds that the complex has nothing to do with sentimental affection, but represents sexual possession. "A man with the complex doesn't necessarily have the concept of being loyal to love."
"For believers with the complex, you must ask your heart whether it's driven by your respect for love or your own selfish possessiveness. Or unrealistic perfectionism?"
Furthermore, the complex may lead to a loss of perfect sympathy between couples. As a result, they will fail to enjoy an abundant marriage.
Moreover, we are all sinners. "How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? " (Matthew 7:4) Nobody is perfect. "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." (Romans 15:7)
More importantly, he reminds Christians to keep this in mind: No matter what mistakes your partner has made in the past, we're all new creations in Christ. Therefore, it is the current situation of his or her faith that counts. As a husband or wife, you should accept your partner unconditionally, as Jesus has accepted us even when we have sinned.
Translated by Karen Luo
