Right and appropriate parenting will send the child toward the right path while wrong and inappropriate parenting way will accelerate teenagers' rebellion and even cause a child to go astray. For this reason parenting matters greatly to the growth of a child.
Zhang, a pastor's wife who has much experience in parenting, discussed some common mistakes in parenting.
No.1: Indulging the child without any principles.
"Some parents indulge their children without any principles," said Zhang, "They give in as soon as the kids start crying." Zhang's little daughter used to use this to "force" them to buy her toys, and when she wasn't satisfied, she rolled on the ground. In those situations, parents would usually satisfy the kid's desire. However, if things stay like this, kids will use this to "control" the parents.
"Parents should say 'No' with finality when the kids first made capricious requests." She also added that if they won't stop crying, then talk to them when they're done crying and fussing.
No.2: Always giving the child unearned praise.
In many Chinese families, one child receives care from six grown-ups; mom and dad, and both sets of grandparents. They give as much love as they can to the child. They frequently praise the child for being great in everything. "Praise is a good way to establish a child's confidence, but it should be done properly instead of recklessly anytime and anywhere."
Zhang believes that praise should be to the point. For example, parents can point out that the colors of the kid's painting were complimentary, figures nicely coordinated, and details to the point, rather than simplely saying "You painted great! Very good! Very pretty!"
Parents should praise the good acts of the child and encourage him or her to transcend themselves. Meanwhile, if they still need improvement, point it out after praising and hope they can do better next time.
No.3: Compare the child with others
Zhang believes that it is wrong for parents to think other kids are better than their own. It hurts the kids' enthusiasm and self-esteem, and they may end up being listless and passive.
No two children are the same in the world. "Do not compare their shortcomings to others' advantages. It's not fair! Praise their unique merits instead! Parents can encourage their kids to overcome their shortcomings instead of comparing and criticizing," said Zhang.
No.4: They are too young to do housework
"Many parents feel that their children are still young and they only need to focus on studying and having fun. There's no need for them to do housework and they will naturally gain those skills when they're older," said Zhang, "If they can't do housework when they're little, they probably still can't when they get older."
Such a mindset does not benefit the growth of children. Zhang suggested "Start with asking them to put away their toys when they're little and give them some simple housework when they grow older. Then you can give them more "difficult" tasks later." "Assign different chores according to their age so that they can nurture a sense of responsibility through working and build good characters.
Zhang stressed that parents should teach their children with principles instead of protecting them in a safety zone. The latter would cost them lots of joy growing up. "Every parent should learn to include love and wisdom in their parenting."
-Translated by Grace Hubl
