As South Africa prepares to celebrate Father's Day, we are faced with the sobering contradiction between the ideal and the reality. On the one hand, Father's Day is meant to honour the gift and calling of fatherhood. It is a time when we give thanks for the men who lead, protect, nurture, and build strong families, which are the foundational building blocks of our society. Yet, in a country plagued by some of the highest rates of gender-based violence (GBV) in the world, this day often exposes a painful truth: the absence, silence, and abdication of fathers is a national crisis where women and children are paying the price.
The Fatherless Crisis
Today, more than 60% of South African children grow up without their biological fathers in the home. For many, the word "father" does not evoke feelings of safety or love, but rather silence, absence, and abandonment. This vacuum comes with a heavy cost that is written on the faces of grieving mothers, broken sons, and traumatised daughters. It is shockingly reflected in the latest statistics, where is it reported that 11 452 women were raped between October and December 2023 alone, and over 15 000 cases of assault on women were reported in the same quarter.
High-profile criminal trials drive home the extent of this crisis. Just weeks before this Father's Day, Precious Ramabulana, a 21-year-old student, was raped and stabbed to death in her Limpopo residence. Karabo Mokoena, whose name is now etched into our national conscience, was brutally murdered and set alight by her boyfriend, someone who had never known his own father. Most disturbingly, Hugo Ferreira, a 37-year-old South African man, recently confessed to the rape and murder of his own newborn daughter, a crime so horrific it defies comprehension. These are stark illustrations from a broken moral framework where fatherhood has been desecrated rather than honoured.
Tragically, these are not isolated stories. They are the fruit of a deeply wounded society, one where too many men grow up without anyone to model manhood, instil values, or teach responsibility. The absence of a father is not simply a missing person. It is the collapse of an essential pillar of family and society.
The Role of the Father: a Builder, not a Breaker
The Bible teaches us that wise people are builders, intentionally building for the generations to come. Being a father, by definition, is one who prepares the next generation. He is called to lay foundations, spiritual, emotional, and moral, on which these generations can stand. The influence of a father who fulfils his role responsibly, albeit imperfectly, is of incalculable value. A father's input is critical in building a positive sense of identity in his children and affirming their worth. He is a teacher and imparter of views, values and faith. He provides the security and stability his home needs with his consistent presence. He is responsible to discipline his children through love, not violence. He inspires his children with a vision for the future by modelling a walk of integrity and faith they can follow. He is a man who understands that when you raise up a child in the way they should go, when they grow up, they will not depart from it.
Masculinity Modelled, Not Imposed
One of the greatest gifts a father should give his son is a picture of what it means to be a man. This is not the distorted version of manhood based on power, control, or silence, but a Christ-centred masculinity rooted in love, sacrifice, and courage. Jesus modelled manhood: He wept. He protected. He provided. He prayed. He took the children in His arms and loved them and blessed them. He laid down His life for others. Imagine what South Africa could look like if more boys saw this kind of manhood modelled in their homes?
Likewise, a father gives his daughter the gift of safety and identity. When a girl grows up knowing her worth, loved and cherished by her father, she has an image of what she should expect in a man and from a man. She is then far less likely to fall into the hands of an abusive partner seeking to exploit her search for affirmation.
The Legacy of a Father
Every man is building something, whether he knows it or not. Some are building legacies of multigenerational blessing and stability. Others are building ruins. The truth is that no father can build alone. It takes a community bound by purpose, intent and will; a community of faith, with hope for the future. A community not moved by the impulses of a society just seeking relief, but not willing to sacrifice and pay the price to build for long-term impact. Thus, as fathers, we need community, we need faith, we need God.
Fathers: Our words matter. Our presence matters. Our prayers matter. Some of us may not have had a father to show us how, or maybe came out of dysfunction and ruin. However, the cycle can be stopped with our generation. Let's choose faith, choose to believe in our purpose, our children, our community, our nation, South Africa.
This Father's Day, let us honour those fathers who have stayed, prayed, and laid down their lives for their families. But let it also serve as a wake-up call for men who have neglected their responsibilities. We must accept the part we played, as men, as leaders and as a nation, for the destruction and havoc that fatherlessness has wrought in our families. We must teach our boys to protect rather than prey, to speak life rather than threats, and to carry responsibility instead of running from it. We must challenge cultures that celebrate dominance and overlook abuse. We must disciple men into their true calling, not through condemnation, but through grace and truth.
Hope Through Restoration
The pain of fatherlessness is real. The trauma and toll of GBV are undeniable. However, legacies can be rewritten. Let us father, not just our own children, but the children of those who do not have. It does take a village. May the capacity of our hearts increase like that of a South African taxi – there is always place for one more! One more child, one more family, one more community, healing our homes, our daughters, our sons, and our nation. We can do it. Happy Father's Day.
(Bert Pretorius is senior pastor of 3C Church and president of the South African Community of Faith-based Fraternals.)
Originally from the Gateway News
CCD reprinted with permission
