When one first steps into his workplace, there are rules and regulations that his company explicitly states under its company policy and guideline. However, we all notice the existence of "hidden rules', which are not explicitly stated in the company policies but yet, powerfully propel one to behave according to the hidden expectation and assumption. Same phenomenon is commonly spotted in the entertainment circle, prevalent in human relationships as well as in our church. Let me bring you through several "hidden rules" in our church today."
1. "Hidden Rule" No.1 - Money is a Taboo
It has sadly become a sensitive and risky matter to talk about money or salary in some churches. Pastors from the older generation may misunderstand one bringing up the money matter as his/her unhealthy love for money/mana. One might even be ousted if he did not have any say in the church. Gradually, the harsh reality of financial difficulty, pastor's judgmental view and perception of "being financially poor propels richer the spiritual life" will force one to leave the church.
In fact, this perception has already been shakier at our times than the past but still imbedded in many churches. Especial when more than 70% of believers belong to the "traditional believers" group who firmly believes in what their previous pastors have taught and passed down to them. As such, when salary matter is not seriously being reviewed or discussed by their previous leaders in church at their generation, the same mentality is passed down to the next generation as if sticking to tradition represent their greatest virtue.
Why does Chinese churches forbid the topic of money?
a. The conventional perception of older church workers
b. The parallel drawn between any money matter and "the sinful love for the world"
c. The unhealthy perception of "being financially poor propels richer the spiritual life"
Counter-argument: Matthew 20: 1-16 explains a metaphor of workers in the vineyard. In the scripture, workers who labour for 1 day or 1 hour receive the same pay. The mentality of the older generation church workers may share similar mentality as the worker who works longer hours in the vineyard. Though they may have laboured their entire struggling over pains and hardships in church, they might end up receiving the same reward as those who serve the Lord not long time ago. As such, expectation for the younger generation to experience the same hardships, financially poor situation and struggles may be the hidden assumption or expectation, which are indeed dangerous thought for the church body. May the Lord forgive us on this matter.
"Workers deserve their pay!" This is the rightful principle of treating our church priests. But surely, one's monetary reward is never equivalent to one's "sinful love for the fallen world." We need to dwell deeper into this issue by realizing that not all workers are money-driven but only expect basic resources to cover their daily needs. In fact, the existence of the healthy perception of being poor financially has distorted the healthy structure of the church body as realized by many in church.
Though these arguments are logical and rightful, we also need to be careful about not falling into another extreme of prioritizing monetary reward above all especially for young and fresh graduates from bible schools.
2. "Hidden Rule" No.2 - Sex is a Taboo Topic
Sex has been a very sensitive topic since ancient Chinese dynasties. It's definitely inappropriate to talk about sex in public as emphasized by Chinese traditional culture. On the other hand, romantic relationship is an unavoidable topic in church. If a man and woman are seen sitting together alone, people might overthink their possibly intimate relationship. Rumours soon will utterly destroy any hints of possible relationship between them both. This explains why sex has become a taboo topic in church.
Some girls upon graduating from the bible school, are still almost helpless in dealing with relationship with the opposite sex. Some bible schools even make it a taboo to date during their study. However, bible school students are mostly adults, who ought to be granted the opportunities to be exposed to relationship. Oppressing romantic relationship is not a wise approach. Rather, young people need guidance in their relationship. Nowadays, many primary school students have already been exposed to relationship experience beyond their ages. Arising from this social issue, parents definitely ought to reflect on their parenting style especially in terms of inculcating sex education and guidance to their children. Many children have asked their parents "How am I born? When their parents are faced with such question, their answers can be ridiculous e.g. "You are born out of stones", "We found you in the trash bin." or "Others sent you to us..." as being passed down to the next generation.
When church is faced with the matter of sex, we should never avoid such topic but understand how to guide young people in this matter. The society, school, parents and church all have avoided this topic for very long. Our avoidance on this topic will definitely lead to disastrous consequence. As such, church should not make sex its taboo topic but understand its role in guiding people wisely.
Maybe some churches find sex education a responsibility that is not borne by them. But if the church hopes to take a more pro-active role, what should it do?
a. Before relationship: to teach members how to introduce themselves before and get to know people of the opposite sex. Important dos and don'ts at the initial familiarizing stage and what are the tips during the relationship?
b. During relationship: once the relationship is confirmed, how can we use biblical principles to proceed and manage this relationship as well as sex education.
c. Pre-marital counseling: to explain the meaning of marriage and how should one gets prepared to manage marriage.
d. Post-marriage counseling: to provide advice to tough challenges faced during marriage.
3. "Hidden Rule" No.3 - Power Stuggle is an Open Secret
Many churches avoid talking about "personal authority" or " personal power" as it tends to regard such topic as rather worldly. In fact, people have been manipulating or fighting for such power e.g. chasing after a pastoral position, leader of the worship ministry etc. in secret. These conflicts are sadly obvious in many churches, making power struggle a prevalent phenomenon even in church.
Power struggle arises out of leaders seeing themselves as "kings of the church". When two people assume as such, power struggle would break forth as they both fight to behold the most power in church.
As such, here comes the third hidden rule in church- Power. Thus, we need to cautiously reflect upon our own position that should be taken in the midst of dark power struggle in church.
Here are some practical steps:
a. Remember to keep solid evidence to protect yourself when your own interests were taken advantage of.
b. Look for witness to justify your innocence.
c. Try to negotiate for a win-win solution for both parties.
d. Consult church elders for dispute resolution
e. Seek protection from the law
At the same time, we should remember to be extremely cautious when it comes to church conflicts. If you are still a new believer, it is more wise for you to stay away from the conflict in order not to be affected in a negative way.
4. "Hidden Rule" No.4 - Difference is Intolerable
Our formal Prime Minister Zhou Enlai's principle of "Seek understanding and embrace different" has been quoted by many throughout China's history. However, when church has to react to people whose thoughts are different from the norm, we fail to see such an embracing spirit.
When it comes to the truth, Paul once says," If anyone ever preaches message different from ours, the person should be cursed", thus emphasizing how we should not let leaders bend the truth. However, when it comes to explaining and contextualizing, we should react by coming up with new strategies.
Difference may not always leads to disagreement, but also leads to diversity. When you are able to embrace the difference in others, you are definitely pretty open-minded with a broadened heart. The parable of "blind man touching the elephant" always reminds us that we should not just listen to what God has told us, but what God has told others.
Here are some tips for your to express your views while listening to others:
a. Learn to find the right person to share your views with. Remember that not everyone is suitable to take in your views.
b. Learn to listen to others and accept other's perspective to enrich your own perspectives.
c. Learn to conduct self-reflection on how your view the same object from different perspectives by gaining different views on the same issue.
The notion of "hidden rules" tends to infer a negative connotation of depriving one of the good, righteous, truthful and correct. It may even sounds ungodly, corrupt and simply wrong from the wording. No matter how dark and corrupt are the hidden rules in the entertainment industry and the government sector, I sincerely wish that there can be fewer hidden rules in church's future.
(Bob, the author, is a believer from Lian Zhuang Village, Henan Province.)
