For parents, puppy love is one of the most frustrating issues in family education and they need to know how to counsel their children and address the issue from a Biblical perspective.
Liang Zhiyong, a grassroots house church pastor in Henan, brought a few questions to people's attention in an article. The article included discussions such as using the Gospel to solve problems, praying for oneself and one's children, helping children form healthy friendships, avoiding casual doubt of kids, etc. Liang pointed out that "Children always need to be blessed despite their young age."
- First, the law is for discovering problems while the Gospel is for solving them
Liang said that parents can't solve problems by simply rebuking their children with logic, strictly commanding them, or even adapting the Mosaic law to contain their behavior because it will only stop the issue momentarily. Parents need to "Become weak to the weak" to truly understand the issue in order to help their kids. This requires the principles of the Gospel.
"More important than other things is that parents have an appropriate attitude towards puppy love," said Liang. It can enlighten them to think of how Christ treated sinners in the Bible.
Liang further stated that Christ the Lord has come so that they may have life and have it abundantly. However, three thousand people were killed on the first day of the Mosaic commandments. This shows that using laws strictly to distinguish right from wrong not only fails to solve the problem, but it can damage the relationship between parents and children. This would further make the child lose faith in their parents. Therefore, parents should guard against being blinded by anger and let their kids see their love, gentleness, patience, and company in their issues.
- Second, pray to God for more grace
Many parents are caught off guard, overreact or even panic without verifying when they learn about their kid's puppy love. Liang suggests that parents pray to God for grace, the attitude of the Gospel, wisdom for discernment, faith and hope.
Liang stressed the point about discernment. Parents need to find out if the child really has a crush, or just has a close friendship with an opposite sex classmate. It is dangerous for parents to rush in and solve a problem without getting the full picture.
- Third, teach children by stages and do not doubt them easily
Liang reminded parents to trust their children and respect their innocent friendships when they don't mean to fall in love at a young age. Kids only need proper guidance and parents can't just worry about puppy love every time their kids hang out with the opposite sex. They need to consciously guide their children in maintaining pure friendships.
Liang suggested that parents use the biblical principle of "Give food at the proper time" to teach their kids relevant Biblical truths step by step with each stage of affection for the opposite sex. "Children must be taught gradually and firmly that love is beautiful," but they should also understand that flowers cannot be picked when they are just buds. If they learn the beauty of love, they will treasure themselves, as well as considering their crush carefully. This hope will lead them to exercise restraint.
- Fourth, explain the appropriate truths patiently
Liang stated that parents need to tell their children why they disapprove of puppy love. Just as green persimmons are bitter but the ripe ones are sweet, there is a Biblical principle that "He has made everything beautiful in its own time." (Ecclesiastes 3:11) This means that, just like the fruit, "If two people fall in love too early without the mental and emotional understanding and control, their love will not be sweet but bitter.
Parents should also warn their children that puppy love, which is doomed to end, can even hurt their future love life. Because of the hurt that puppy love can do to people, people have fears when it comes to normal dating. They end up without a proper understanding of love and don't know the right ways to deal with relationship issues.
- Fifth, help children establish innocent friendships with their peers
Parents should help their children understand that at this age, even if they have special feelings towards the opposite sex, it should remain as friendship, not love, and they should not confuse the two. Meanwhile, parents should also teach their children to treasure friendship, helping them to establish hobbies, meet new people, and establish solid friendships so that the children become immune to puppy love.
Liang said, "Children with fewer friends are more prone to invest emotions into one person and develop a crush."
- Finally, what can parents do when children already have a crush?
Parents should pay attention and be patient in counseling. Children are hurt more by a rigid attitude and can suffer psychological inversion as well.
The emotions of children at this stage are overwhelming their senses. Parents need to guide them with wisdom so they can get their senses back, and lead the feelings of puppy love back to pure friendship. The children may need to be separated with understanding until the crisis has been abated.
After addressing the problems in their own child, parents should also try to help the other child. Pastor Liang explained that the reason it has to be done in this order is that "If we go to the other child without careful consideration and fixing our own problems first, we may carry our own feelings of defeat or anger, and the problem is unlikely to be solved. Instead, it can make things worse."
Moreover, such help should be based on a premise of mutual agreement. Parents should believe that "Love covers a multitude of sins" when facing more complicated situations. They should remember to work according to the principle of love.
Finally, Pastor Liang reminded parents not to forget to "Pray for and bless your children," petitioning the Heavenly Father because "Children need to be blessed despite their young age."
Translated by: Grace Hubl
