Zhang Kuakua is a millennial young woman who had been a workaholic and constantly neglected symptoms in her body. On her 27th birthday, she was admitted to the ICU due to respiratory failure, intracranial hemorrhage, and sepsis caused by chemotherapy. Doctors repeatedly advised her family to prepare for the worst.
After ten days of intensive ICU care, she had become the first patient to survive such a critical condition at her hospital in nearly two decades. Her whole treatment lasted two and a half years in which she went through four rounds of intense chemotherapy, and eight rounds of maintenance therapy; a clinical remission was achieved on her in five years.
The accounts of how she escaped death, rebuilt a new life and regained hope were written in her book Journey of Rebirth – Five Years of a Leukemia Patient (the official English title of the book is not available, translator’s note).
Encountering God in the Valley of Death
Her parents became Christians when she was in high school and often preached the gospel to her. She used to argue with them, believing there was no God, and resisted their faith. In 2017, after she fell ill, her parents invited pastors to her bedside to pray for her.
In the valley of death, God granted her a second life. After 45 days of hospitalization, she finally returned home. During her maintenance treatment in 2018, she resumed work in Changsha. The business partner, whom she had met only once, was a Christian. After learning about her situation her business partner persuaded her multiple times to visit a church.
At the church, the partner told a pastor, “My friend has a very serious illness and might be dying. She wants to learn about the gospel.” At once, she corrected the partner, “I have a very serious illness, but I’m not particularly afraid of death. I find living quite painful instead.”
Before her illness, her career was coming to an end; her boyfriend of seven years broke up with her; and her relationship with her mother became strained. The issues often made her doubt herself. Therefore, she believed that living was rather painful and troublesome.
“I also didn’t get along well with my mother either,” the pastor laughed and said, “A relationship with someone doesn’t change immediately after one becomes a Christian. It can be a lengthy process. If one day your relationship changes, it’s not because God has changed your mother but you.”
She was surprised to hear that because she expected the pastor would say something like believing in God would immediately solve all problems. Upon hearing such comments, she felt that this God was special and wanted to know God.
Since then, she regularly attended the seekers’ program and gained an accurate understanding of basic Christian teachings. In God, she found answers to her faith-related confusions and with new perspectives saw her own problems in tense relationships. About a year and a half later, in October 2019, she was baptized and formally became a Christian, twelve years after her parents first shared the gospel with her.
Rethinking Illness – Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
Looking back on those five years, she believes that illness is not necessarily a bad thing. “Through illness, my pride and stubbornness were turned upside down; through illness, God renewed my life, my views of myself, my parents, my boyfriend, the workplace, and death; through illness, I became a better person, someone who aligns more with God’s will.”
She was often self-doubting, anxious, felt inadequate, and cared too much about others’ opinions of her. Now, she is convinced that she is loved by God and worthy of love and God’s love never changes. Her faith has given her a clearer and firmer understanding of herself.
As she wrote in her book, “I have transformed from an insecure, tense, and picky female warrior into a relatively confident, happy, and tender woman, discarding false goals and becoming someone who knows how to accompany others and is willing to give.”
She says that true peace and joy do not mean that our lives are smooth voyages and nothing bad will happen. Life is like a ship sailing on the sea, which will potentially encounter storms and reefs. Perhaps these storms and reefs will not be completely removed, but God’s grace is sufficient for us. Because of God’s grace, the ship’s waterline is high enough that these reefs do not affect its normal progress, and so we remain in peace.
Doing Concrete Things and Loving Specific People
In 2022, she decided to take a break from work and explore a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle.
During her time off, she implemented “A Plan to Reclaim My Life”: wander in parks to daydream and observe changing lights and shadows; meet past friends and make the promise of “let’s meet another time” true; learn to cook her favorite foods herself, striving for balanced nutrition; try various sports activities like flying discs, paddle boarding, and Zumba; and read many good books. Also, it was during the practice of her plan that she completed her book mentioned above.
Over the five years, she successively experienced the loss of several relatives; and the Holy Spirit prompted her to visit seriously ill children, spiritually accompany friends whose elders were dying, and even assist in organizing funerals.
“After visiting many patients many times, I can better understand and empathize with their situations. I know that abnormal behavior in patients may be caused by changes in physical conditions, and I know how to quickly find more medical resources.” The pain she experienced became the cornerstone for her to find meaning in life and accept herself, and also a valuable experience for her to comfort and help others.
She believes that the significance of her second chance at life is to no longer only think about “me” but to see the needs of others. “I am determined to become a supporter and companion rather than a selfish taker, demander, or contender. Do concrete things and love specific people. Even if my strength is small, before time is completely taken away, I have fought the good fight and run the race to the end.”
She also says that everyone is weak, and people’s patience, faith, and ability are often limited. The things one can do for others may be trivial. However, these small things can also impact others and support them through difficult times.
Being a Whistleblower and Witnessing God’s Love
She says that in a sense, she is a whistleblower: people can die young and life is not indefinitely long; cherish those who are close to you; and think about death in advance as it is not the end, but how one lives before death is more important.
She has returned to the workplace as the marketing director of a well-known consumer brand in Changsha. “I originally only wanted to start a new life and not keep mentioning my illness. However, God healed me and I want to testify for God, witnessing His miracles. It can also be considered as pre-work of evangelism, hoping that more people will hear the gospel and accept that unconditional and unchanging love of God.”
She believes that many young people today are in a great sense of loss. They think they will make a difference after graduating, but after entering society, they will find reality unexpected. Many of them fall into depression and nothingness. Therefore, she wrote a second book on the theme “When I can’t be the ideal version of myself, is my ordinary life still worth living?” which has been completed.
- Edited by Katherine Guo, translated by Charlie Li
